Don't Fall in Love!

So if you can’t tell from my previous somewhat ambiguous post, I had a pretty big crush on someone.  Big enough to format my heart into a bullet point utopian happily ever after list fit to scare away every single girl on the planet.  I use the past tense because the present is constantly changing and the future is never known.  I use the term crush because that’s what it was.  Infatuation.  Love at first sight.  Temporal madness.

I felt like a schoolboy about to hold hands for the first time in my life.  We never held hands though.  We never even went on a real date or shared a kiss.  Yet the atmosphere would change around her; the air would feel inexplicably different.  If there were a barometer on the wall, it would shake like an erratic compass set at the North Pole axis.  A simple smile would ignite spark plugs and override a medical pacemaker.  You could sit me in front of a runway lined with supermodels and I would only see her.

“Happiness and sanity are an impossible combination”. – Mark Twain

Crazy?  Perhaps.  Scary?  You bet.  I’m sure that’s what she thinks and it’s hard to disagree.  The common advice from my handful of close friends and family is “don’t fall in love”.  My initial reaction was why not?  What kind of cold world do we live in where love is frowned upon or something to run from?  However, for me this has nothing to do with love...yet.  Maybe it never will.  Time will tell.

I’ve had crushes before (not of this magnitude), but none that lasted.  They all turned out as blessings in disguise.  Therefore, I find myself reluctantly glad to be in the friend zone.  I don’t want to break another heart any more than I want mine broken.  I don’t want another relationship to start for the wrong reason.  But neither do I want to start one without a spark.  I’ve been down both roads before and neither seemed fit for love.

Love is the biggest word in the world and the most powerful force in life.  I could go on quoting Book of Corinthians, Sophocles, Diana Ross, or George Strait and analyze every philosophical aspect of what love is, but in reality it’s something that can’t be fully defined.  Some say it’s a decision and a commitment.  Some say it’s fate and beyond our control.  I say it’s all these things.  Nothing is black and white, and all words have more than one meaning.  Love is both a noun and verb.  The most precious thing on earth should not hinge on a debate over semantics.

Does any of that make sense?  If not…good.  The only thing I know for sure about love, is that it doesn’t make sense.  If it did make clear perfect sense, it would cease to exist.  It would instead morph into some conditional checklist, mathematical equation, or scorecard matrix.  We are not robots set to binary code.  We are human.

I've reached the only logical conclusion
Love ain't supposed to make sense
This ain't no thinkin' thing, right brain, left brain
It goes a little deeper than that
It's a chemical, physical, emotional devotion
Passion that we can't hold back
There's nothin' that we need to analyze
There ain't no rhym or reason why
- Trace Adkins (This Ain't No Thinkin' Thing)